Community

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I feel like I am over whelmed with emotional pain, right now. I'm just having a hard time understanding why my situation needed to exist. I understand that most of my situation is for the better, but how it is all unfolding is horrible. God has a plan for those who follow him, and His will is good. I'm going to honest and say that I sometimes feel this statement is a bunch of shit, but that's why I'm a sinful being, that's why I question God, and that's also why I will never understand God. It was all to easy to give God praise when I was in a comfortable state of life, but now that I'm completely frusturated I just feel lost...I don't feel helpless...I feel lost... I'm hoping this whole sitution will make me stronger and that God will show me His will. I don't want comments, just prayer...I NEED prayer!!!

Pain...
Updated at 8:32 PM 3 comments

Pain...
Updated at 8:32 PM 0 comments

Pain...
Updated at 8:32 PM 1 comments

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Well, I guess it is pushing three months since the last time I did one of these. A lot has happened in that time period, and I can honestly say that all of the positive things that have happened to me as well as the negative have happened for a reason. If there is one thing that I improved on spiritually in the past 90 days is my ability to take one day at a time. I always used to look at my schedule, envision the events unfolding just I liked them to, and than I would just watch my week(S) flash before my eyes. I was listening to a boot leg copy of a Rob Bell series that focuses on a wide variety of topics, but the one that struck me the most was our ability(as humans, people, etc..) to merely exist in our lives and to not be a part of them, and by that he means, to actively listen. I was recalling some weeks when I would go to school in the morning mon-thur, work 40 hours during the week, go to life group on Wed nights, and go to 707 on Sun nights. Now that I have experienced this type of life style, I have become much more aware that I hate being a spectator and I always want to a participate in my life. Of course, the issues of going to school and having to pay for school, books, cell phone, car insurance, and so on are all facets of my life that are just going to become exponentially more complicated when I decide to get married and have a family. However, I don't want to do all of these things just to check them off the list of accomplishments. I want everything that I do to have a meaning and for these meanings to not only be significant in my life, but in the lives of others. I don't know if it's just me, but I still have this longing to truly live!!

I feel the most complete when I am with Michelle, in the word, talking about the word, or watching the word unfold in my life. I can't really say that I am overly enthused about those "Beautiful Let Downs" of life. I feel that those situations give me the chance to evaluate myself and to see if I am really moving forward or am I still being resistant to God? By resistant I mean, am I in the place where I can be used for anything and to be molded into whatever piece of pottery the brilliant artist wants me to be....I would like to think so, but I know that I am not...I still have a hard time letting go of my old self, and even though that part of me makes rare appearances I still feel it is that little piece of me that I am not letting God have and by doing so I am rendering myself useless to Him. I can go to all of the life groups, read all his books, go to all of the church services where He is present, but I am not going to be omni present unless I just let go. I need to listen first and talk second. Yes, the lord says, "You receive not, for you ask not," but I think I'm doing way too much asking and far to little listening and waiting.

A solid three months
Updated at 6:21 PM 3 comments

Monday, March 27, 2006

Tonight at (9:30p est) is my first men's league tournament game, and I'm pumped! I just that I would share that little bit of information with you.

Pumped!!!!!!
Updated at 5:42 PM 1 comments

Monday, March 06, 2006

In last nights 707 service the head Pastor Dan Burgoyne went over a topic that should be the universal theory for all followers of Jesus. He discussed Gen 12. This is actually cool because I had just recently sparked an interest in old testament history and goggled a million different things about Abram and his descendents, along with bugging my dad for the information I was too lazy to look up. In his teaching Pastor Dan opened up with how well things had been going for Abram, and how he had dealt with Lot in a manner that was pleasing in the eyes of the Lord and Abraham was in His favor. The story takes a sudden turn when there is a famine in the land and Abram gives his wife Sarah to the pharaoh for live stock, land, herds man, water, pretty much earthly wealth. I will stop with the story here, because I am sure that all of you are well aware of it. The main point I over looked, when I read this passage, was how God did not take him out of his favor, nor did he stop pursuing him. I mean Abraham sold his wife! I know it was the old testament and what happened back in this time of history doesn't apply now. For instance burnt offerings: The animal rights activist would have a hay day if I went in my back yard and burnt a sheep as a living sacrifice for my sins against the Lord. That dept was paid in full by Jesus, so I don't have to do things of that nature.

The obvious thing about Abraham's sinful nature was that he did it by his will, because he felt alone and he hadn't been experiencing that closeness he had experienced before with God. The most amazing thing about Abraham's sinful nature was that God took it in his own hands to right Abraham's wrong. He was telling Abram, It doesn't matter if you stumble along to way I will be there to pick you up and to guide you in My way of rightesness.

I wish everyone knew that they had an unlimited amount of value in the eyes of our creator. That when we stumble, an example of me, swearing, being cold hearted, pride, impure thoughts, the list is endless actually, but that's the great thing about it, we don't have to measure up with God. There is no staple of greatness/goodness that we have to or could achieve to be in His favor.

Yes, we might, will, and do fracture our closeness with him, but it is never the other way around. He always wants us. He is constantly telling us there is more to our lives than an infinite number of life times on earth and all of the things it offers. I struggle with this, not because I don't love my savior, or because I my inner most desires are more than God can satisfy, but because I am encompassed and enveloped by sin. And at the end of the day I know I am loved and as I continue to pursue His will than I will begin to eliminate or begin acknowleging more and more of my sins.

I want to stress that I am no different than the possible unbelievers sitting next to me right now, the gay kid down the street, the drug addicts across the country, the sexual petafile in Solon, and so on. If it is not God's will than it is a sin and I know I can't escape this, but Jesus too care of all of that and through my relationship with him and through continual repentenses you and I can be clean! Praise God!

At the end of Dan's message he talked about people having their Gen 12 days, but he also said it only has to be that. Myself just as Abraham have the Grace of God to turn the page and make a Gen 13 of my life. A new beggining everyday.

Grace
Updated at 7:01 AM 1 comments

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Six days from now I will be exhausted from a previous day of driving for 19-21 hours, almost getting kidnapped, or run off the interstate by some crazed trucker who is trying to make a dead line. However, the uplifting factor for my exhaustion and near death experiences is that, I will be in Anne Marie Island, Florida basking in the sun, strolling the beach, and waking up to the scent of eggs (over-easy), jam, toast, and most likely bacon. Yes, I can have all of these scents in Ohio, but that's the point, it's OHIO!

Up Coming Events
Updated at 7:41 AM 1 comments

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

I seems like I've been hearing a lot of different things about HABITS, and all of them have brought me to a couple of different conclusions. David Crowder mentions in his book, PRAISE HABITS FINDING GOD IN SUNSETS AND SUSHI, "It is my belief that we were made to praise and that the original intentions for it might have been bigger and sweeter than most of us have dreamed or that a scheduled moment could properly contain. We find ourselves in a dynamic, fluid relationship with the divine, where there is such perpetual movement and flow that static, formulaic approach undermines and lessons what could exist" (Praise 34). David continues this notion for the next few pages, then spends time in between defending that he sees nothing wrong with having a scheduled time to spend with our savior, because, who are we kidding, we want him, crave him, and long for him to define and comfort us. I myself have been finding in this high tech age of IPODS, MP3's, I-TUNES on your cell phone's, and so on..., that it is becoming exponentially more convenient to have worship music on the go. It's almost like I'm turning our church's worship service into a fast food mentality. But is this really a bad thing? Should we not use what modern day technologies that are available to worship our savior with some added conveniences. The problem is I don't believe this to be entirely true. We should see God in everything that we do, come in contact with, and worship in awe of his grace, beauty and perfection. The point I think I'm trying to get at is we should be worshipping God all of the time and to take every advantage that we have to be with the spirit. Romans 8 goes through how we should always be at peace with our spirit, because the way away from the spirit is death, I'm going to assume that means both physical and spiritual death.

Promise
Updated at 1:42 PM 3 comments

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

It's currently 9:49a, I'm sitting in the Mac Lab of Tri-C's Technology & Learning Center, and I'm being accompanied by my over priced white chocolate mocha coffee...Who knows..., and my IPOD. Is this the way my life is supposed to be? Am I supposed to surf the net and look for what cool Mac laptop I want to get for when I transfer to B-W? Or am I even supposed to be thinking about worldly and materialistic things? Something that I told myself I would do and I think I did it for 20 days, but I missed the 21st day that made it a habit and that was giving myself to the Lord. I used to start my days by saying, Lord what would you like me to do for you today? Would you like me to be quiet and wait on you or should I indulge myself in your word, then go about my day as an example of you? For the past two-three weeks I have maybe done this a handful of times. Why? The answer should sitting right in front of me, yet I apparently am oblivious to it. I was talking to one of the guys in my life group and who also plays basketball with me, and he gave me a subtle challenge. Whenever I find myself thinking of everything but God, then turn off your cell phone, don't go anywhere near the TV or the computer and just be with him in his word. I always seem to have an excuse for why I don't spend time with my savior or why I didn't go to church this past week. The obvious reason being the NBA ALL-STAR game, and how pathetic is that? I chose a to watch a basketball game over going to church, worshipping and being with my savior, but shouldn't I be able to do that on a day-to-day basis anyway? So I really don't feel bad about missing church, because we shouldn't be going to get a fill of whatever is missing, we should take care of that on our own. Well, I'm done rambling and I have to study for Econ...

Don't you hate it when this happens?
Updated at 6:43 AM 1 comments